We all make mistakes
by nurseduffin
Summary: Series 33 - After Charlie and Duffy have separated, how well are they coping with it? Not well it seems. Read on to find out...
1. We all make mistakes - Chapter 1

-x- Chapter One -x-

He heard her voice, and fought the urge to look up at her, as she treated her patient. He sighed, and continued to look at the patient notes on the computer screen in front of him. It had been two weeks since they'd separated, and they'd managed to avoid each other as best they could whilst on this shift together. Duffy had taken on more night shifts, due to his day shift role as Clinical Nurse Manager. So, this was really the first shift they had worked together. Sleep had been their enemy. Both looked drained, and exhausted. Duffy seemed agitated, and Charlie, well, had developed a short fuse, that the staff were not familiar with at all. He was angry, at everyone, and it was becoming a big issue.

"Louise, I told you clear cubicle four ten minutes ago!" He bellowed at her as she walked passed the nurse's station.

"I know Charlie, but, I've been dealing with..." Louise replied, but was cut off mid-sentence.

"Do it, now Louise."

"Right, ok, yes Charlie." Louise responded quickly, and walked off.

"David, Mrs Jacobs in cubicle two was supposed to go for an x-ray half an hour ago, ring them and tell them she's priority and send for a porter, or take her yourself. I'm not putting up with this from them today. That's the sixth patient already." Charlie said, as he pointed his finger in the direction of David.

"Ok, right, ok, will do, um, Charlie." David said, as he then began to pick up the phone, he looked a little taken-a-back by Charlie's sharpness. David looked over at Robyn, and rose his eyebrows at her.

"Charlie?" Robyn asked, as she stood opposite Charlie at the computers.

"What?" Charlie replied abruptly.

"Um, nothing, um, found it. Sorry." Robyn looked nervously at the notes on the computer in front of her.

"I'm busy Robyn, what is it?" Charlie asked her again sarcastically.

"It's ok, just looking for a patient's relative details. Found them." Robyn replied quickly, nervously even.

"Don't bother me unless it's important. I'm going to my office." He replied, annoyed at her for interrupting him working.

He then picked up some files in front of him, and walked off in the direction of his office.

David and Robyn just watched him as he walked down the corridor.

"You need to talk to him." David said to Robyn.

"Me?" Robyn replied shocked.

"You know him more than I do." David replied, as he waited on the end of the telephone line for the x-ray department to pick up the phone.

"I've tried David. He just says he's fine."

"He's clearly not fine Robyn." David answered, and tilted his head at her.

"I know he's not fine David. He's heartbroken. I've never seen him like this before. I don't know what to do." Robyn replied, as she looked at him with a concerned expression.

"I'll um, speak with, Duffy." David whispered at her, and pointed in the direction of Duffy, who was standing talking with her patient, not noticing them look at her.

"And say what exactly?" Robyn asked him, as she frowned.

"They need to talk to each other Robyn. That's all. Duffy, she told me she's struggling without him. She loves him Robyn. I've never seen her cry before. She's broken too." David explained.

"And how do you know all that?" Robyn enquired, not looking very sympathetic of Duffy's position in the separation.

"I caught her crying in the car park one morning, after our shift. I couldn't just walk away. So I bought her a coffee, and we had a chat." David explained.

"She made a mistake Robyn. We all make mistakes. She loves him. She just wants him to know that."

"And it's that easy is it?" Robyn replied, quite firmly.

"No, but, come on Robyn. You know them. You've seen them happy together. This isn't them. They need each other."

Robyn looked up at Duffy, as saw how sad and exhausted she looked too. She looked lost, hollow, frail too. She never expected them to ever split up, they loved each other too much to hurt one another. And yet. Here they were. Now living separate lives, alone, and broken. She owed them so much helping her with Charlotte, and when Glen died. She sighed, David was right. People make mistakes. But, love, nothing beats love.

Robyn said to David, "You're right. They do need each other. What do you suggest we do to get them to speak to each other?"

"Right, well...Oh, hello, is that the radiography department. Right, um, this is Nurse Hide from E.D." David replied, before he was interrupted from the person at the other end of the phone line.

"I'll speak to you later about it." Robyn replied quickly.

David nodded, as stuck his thumb up at her.

Robyn smiled and looked up at Duffy, who was busy tending to her patient. David was right. She owed her so much, as well as Charlie. She was being stupid taking sides with just Charlie. Duffy looked up, and caught Robyn's eye. Robyn smiled softly at her. Duffy looked shocked, then sheepishly smiled back at her.

-x-


	2. We all make mistakes - Chapter 2

-x- Chapter Two -x-

Duffy finished writing up her patient's vital observations, and put the chart down at the side of the bed.

"I'll be back soon, try and relax, the fluids will help." She said, and smiled at her patient softly.

Duffy put her pen back into her top pocket, and looked over at Robyn and David. She needed to write up her patient's notes on the computer, but really didn't want to have to deal with them today. She just wanted to get on with her job, and leave. She knew the stone cold silences and harsh looks, she'd received over the passed few weeks from her colleagues were down to Charlie. And in her heart she couldn't blame him or them for it at all. Hearing him chastise them all earlier, she knew now why the staff were being more distant with her. They knew his new behaviour was down to her, and also how much his rage and annoyance was affecting the staff, as well as it affected him. She knew wanted nothing more than to speak to him, to explain everything to him. But she feared he wouldn't listen, his anger was his defence mechanism, and knew he'd take it out on everyone it was his way to cope with it all. She couldn't let him go on like this though, it was her fault he felt this way, not the staff. So she decided to bite the bullet and speak to him. She walked down the corridor and into reception towards his office.

She knocked on the door and heard him shout, "what?", she sighed and opened the door.

"I'm busy, can't it wait?" He said, as he didn't even acknowledge he knew who was in the room.

"I don't think so do you?" Duffy said to him softly, and folded her arms at him.

He took in a deep breath, upon hearing her voice.

"I'm busy Duffy." He replied sharply, not looking at her.

"We need to talk Charlie." She frowned at him.

"No, I don't think we do." He answered sarcastically.

"You can't go on like this Charlie. You're taking it out on everyone. It's my fault, not theirs."

He sighed at her, he knew she was right.

"Are you done?"

"No, I'm not done. I'm not going to stop trying to sort this out between us Charlie. I made a mistake. At least give me a chance to explain. You need to know the full story. The things that will be going through your head..."

"What like picturing you in bed with Bill. Believe me, when I saw him touch you that's all that went through my head. You have no idea how much it..." Charlie balled his hand into a fist.

"I'm sorry Charlie, please just let me explain. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I love you. Please, you have to..."

Charlie turned to look at her.

"Just leave me alone! I can't bare to look at you!"

"Charlie please, don't."

"Just go!" He shouted at her.

Tears filled her eyes as she turned to open the door and ran out through reception.

David was walking down the corridor as he saw Duffy run out of the double doors into the car park.

He then looked over at Charlie's office, and saw him slam the door shut, his face full of rage.

David swallowed, this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Maybe Charlie didn't need to know right now, that one of the x-ray machines was out of order, causing delays today.

David turned and looked at the double doors, and decided he could at least try and help Duffy, so he walked off in the direction of the car park.

He saw her sat in the far corner of the peace garden, her back to everyone, her head in her hands.

He walked up to her and coughed slightly.

Duffy paused, and turned to look up at him, she sighed, and looked away.

"Can I help?"

She sighed again.

"No." She replied sharply.

David sighed, and took a seat next to her.

"It just takes time." He said to her.

"I can't do this." She whispered at him.

"He just needs some space."

"He hates me. I deserve it." She finally said, as she looked at him, tears filled her eyes.

"He doesn't hate you. He's hurting that's all."

"I've caused him so much pain."

"It isn't easy, being that person who causes that pain."

She turned to look at him.

"We all make mistakes. That's life. But, you need to understand his pain. That's the only way you can get through this. Get him to listen."

"I know how much it hurts David. I just never thought I could do that to him."

"You love him don't you?"

"Of course I love him. I've loved him for so many years, even when I shouldn't have."

"What do you mean, 'when you shouldn't have'?"

"It's complicated."

"Oh, yes, your ex-husband."

"Oh, yes, yes. Ryan. Him too."

"What do you mean 'him too'?"

"You don't need to hear me go on like this do you? I should..." She tries to get up and leave.

"What do you mean Duffy? How long have you been in love with Charlie for?"

"Thirty years David, just over thirty years."

"Oh. But you were married before Ryan weren't you?"

Duffy looked at him sheepishly, and nodded.

"Does he know? That whole time you...?"

"How can I tell him that? He was married too." She replied, and walked off, away from David, from the conversation, from the reality of it all.

How could she tell him that? Whilst she was married to Andrew, and he was married to Baz, she was in love with him too? That would only upset him. As it upset her. And Charlie knowing that, whilst he struggled with his own marriage to Baz, poor Baz, he'd lost her then in their divorce. And then forever when she died a few years later. How could she tell him that she loved him for that long? Longer even. She couldn't do that to him. Dull the memories of Baz for him. It hurt her too, that memory of Andrew, for all his faults and flaws she loved Andrew. But, she loved Charlie too. So much more than she had ever loved Andrew, Ryan, Mike, all of her exes. How could she tell him that now she'd broken his heart. That heart that had told her that exact same thing. "I married the love of my life", oh God Charlie, "I married the love of my life too", I just wish I could tell you that!

A stray tear ran down her cheek once again, as she rubbed it from her cheek, as she then straightened her tunic, took a deep breath in and out. Then walked back into the E.D. to do her job. Later there would be time for regrets. She needed to do her job, take her mind off it all.

-x-


	3. We all make mistakes - Chapter 3

-x- Chapter Three -x-

Meanwhile Charlie had paced in his office, just seeing her again, he couldn't get the images of her and Bill together out of his head. He threw his pen he held in his hand across the room in frustration; he watched it shatter into pieces on the floor, as he stroked the back of his head, his face full of rage. He felt like destroying everything in his office, throw the paper work around the room, smashed the computer, the phone. Instead he just paced, trying to calm himself down. Tears formed in his eyes. He couldn't do this. It was too much, he couldn't bare it. He needed a drink, the only thing that took away those thoughts in his mind. But, he was at work, he had a job to do, people relied on him. The room was caving in on him, he needed to get out of here, so he walked out of the door into reception. He ignored Noel, as he walked towards the car park, for some fresh air. He felt like he was in a daze, unsure where he was going, he continued to walk, and out of the corner of his eye he saw her, talking with David. His brow creased again, he couldn't cope, not anymore. And he walked off in the direction of the pub.

He didn't care, not anymore, as he walked through the main door of the pub, and up to the bar.

"Double whiskey." He asked, not even looking up at the barman.

"You're a little early, it's just gone one."

He just looked up at the barman, and he knew just by the look on his face that he was serious.

"Ok, ok, one whiskey coming up." The barman replied, holding up his hands at him in defeat.

"Double whiskey." Charlie said again.

"Double it is." The barman replied, as he decanted the brown liquid into the glass, and handed it to Charlie.

Charlie drank it in two gulps, and set the empty glass down on the bar. He felt the heat of the whiskey seep down into his throat as it soothed him for a few moments.

"Another double." He replied.

"Um, another?" The barman replied, looking shocked.

"Another." Charlie replied, looking at him, his brows furrowed.

Charlie put his hand into his pocket, retrieving his wallet, and flung a twenty pound note onto the bar.

"Um, aren't you supposed to be working?"

Charlie just looked up at him, and frowned at him.

"Alright, alright." The barman replied.

The barman took his money, and refilled his glass, and handed it back to him.

Charlie looked down at the glass, and took another gulp, then another, as the liquid ran down his throat. He placed the empty glass back onto the bar, and sighed. It helped, if only for a few moments. He closed his eyes, but those images of Duffy and Bill filled his mind once again. He reopened them, and raised his glass at the bar man. Just as the barman put the ten pound change back down in front of him.

"Another." Charlie said, as he raised his glass again.

"Really mate, go easy."

"I've paid you, and I want another."

"No need to be like that mate. It's just early. You can't go back to work now."

"Who says I'm going back to work?" Charlie looked up at him.

"Alright, alright." The barman replied.

The barman took his money, and glass and turned around to refill his glass once again.

Charlie rested his elbows on the bar, and put his hand to his head, spreading his fingers over his forehead, and sighed deeply, as he closed his eyes. The images of Duffy crossed his mind once again, he screwed his hand into a fist, and frowned. He couldn't get her out of his mind. He need to numb himself, to stop thinking about her. It was the only thing he could do.

He heard the glass on the bar in front of him, and he opened his eyes, he then lifted it to his lips, this time sipped at it, and rested it back onto the bar.

"Another bad day mate?" The barman asked.

"Something like that." Charlie replied, his hand rested on his brow, as he looked at the whiskey in his glass, and sighed.

The barman looked concerned at him, then began to busy himself tidying the bar.

Charlie just stood looking down at the whiskey in the glass, sipped at it again, and rolled the liquid around in the glass. As tears formed in his eyes, and he sighed again.

-o-

When David returned back into reception, he turned to look at Charlie's empty office, his door wide open, he frowned and walked over to Noel.

"Where's Charlie?" David asked Noel.

"Oh, he went outside, he seemed a bit, well, angry though. He ignored me, when I asked if he was ok. He slammed the door when Duffy left earlier." Noel replied, whispering the last sentence to David.

"Outside? I never saw him. Has he come back in?" David asked.

"No, not since."

"So where is he?" David asked.

Noel just shrugged at him.

"Let me know when he comes back in Noel." David replied, and he walked down towards cubicles.

"No trouble." Noel replied.

-o-

David walked up towards Robyn and said to her, "we have a problem."

"What do you mean, a problem?" Robyn asked.

"They've just had a row." David whispered.

"Who?" Robyn replied, and turned to look at him, as she stood at the computer at the nurse's station.

"Duffy and Charlie." David whispered.

"Oh, how do you know that?"

"I saw them. Duffy's upset again. Charlie has gone awol."

"What do you mean Charlie has gone awol?"

"Noel said he left his office, and went outside, not long after their row, and he hasn't come back in since."

"Well, where is he then?"

"I was outside talking to Duffy. He isn't out there Robyn. He's gone."

"Gone where?"

"How should I know?"

"I'll ring him." Robyn said, as she took her phone out of her pocket.

As she did so, he felt the phone vibrate in his pocket, as he stood at the bar, his fourth double whiskey in his hand. He sighed, and put his hand into his pocket, as he looked at it, he saw Robyn's name flash across his screen. He cancelled it. And then looked at the image of Duffy on the background of his phone screen, smiling happily at him. He's not bothered to change it. That would make it all final then. He sighed, and shoved his phone back into his pocket. He closed his eyes, and spread his fingers over his forehead, pinching his eyes, at his newly acquired headache. He then took another sip of his whiskey, then sighed.

"He cut me off." Robyn replied.

"Oh, that's not good." David said in response.

"No, no it's not. Um, when's your break?" Robyn asked him.

"In about half an hour." He answered.

"Mine's the same." Robyn added.

"I have a feeling I know where he is."

"Where?"

"The pub."

"Oh, that's not good, oh, not good at all. He's supposed to be at work."

"Yeah, I know. I found him in there a few times after work. One night, I ended up putting him in a taxi. I've never seen him so drunk before David."

"It's midday Robyn. I'm just pleased Mrs Beauchamp isn't here to see him like that. What will we do, he can't come back to work drunk."

"I don't know what we can do David. This isn't like him. I've never known to him to walk out of work either. And never drink during the day."

"What can we do?"

"Robyn shrugged, cover for him I guess. His shift finishes at four today."

"Right, ok. Um, how do we do that?" David asked her.

"Just say he's in a meeting."

"Right, ok. Um, who with?"

"Oh, um, maybe the head of radiography, he had a go at you earlier about it."

"Right, ok, got ya. Oh, and don't let Duffy know." David replied.

"Why?"

"She'll only blame herself."

"It's all her fault he's like this."

"Yeah, well, she doesn't need to know that does she."

"David."

"She messed up Robyn. She's living with the consequences of her actions too."

"I suppose."

"You forgave me." He added.

"Yeah, well, that was different, you weren't yourself then, you were off your meds."

"And Duffy wasn't herself either. She doesn't even know why it happened, and she hates the fact she has hurt him this much Robyn. I know how she feels."

"Yeah, well. She should have thought about it before shouldn't she."

"Robyn. She loves him, she always has. She's just scared that this is over for good between them. She just needs to tell him how she feels, how much she regrets it all, and explain it all to him."

"And how does she think she's going to get through to him?"

"That's the problem. She doesn't know how either."

"Oh."

"We need to do something."

"Like what?"

"I'll have a think about it."

"Good, well hurry up, because we have 25 minutes until we have to get Charlie from the pub, into a taxi and home, and back again all within an hour."

"Right, ok." David said, and nodded at her and walked off, in thought.

Robyn just frowned at him, and began to phone Charlie once again, no answer. She sighed, and continued working on the computer.

-x-


	4. We all make mistakes - Chapter 4

-x- Chapter Four -x-

Duffy had returned to cubicles, having avoided looking in the direction of Charlie's office, and spent most of her time monitoring her patient, who had come into the E.D. with sickness and dehydration. She stood writing up notes for her patient on the computer, in the middle of admin, when it had been quiet.

David appeared, at the other side of the computer, he coughed, then asked, "you ok now?"

"Yeah, better, thanks." Duffy replied, shyly.

"Good. I'm always here if you need to, 'chat'." David replied, and smiled back at her.

"Thanks." Duffy smiled shyly back at him.

Robyn walked around behind David, and placed her notes onto the completed pile, just as Noel appeared at the end of the desk.

"David, he still hasn't come back." Noel said, looking anxious.

"Um?" David quickly walked over to him, and tried to usher him away.

"It's not like Charlie to just walk out like that." Noel added, as David tried to make him move away from the desk, and down the corridor.

David just smiled, and tried to shake his head at Noel.

Duffy looked up in shock, upon hearing Noel's words.

Robyn turned to look at Duffy, and smiled weakly at her, looking a little worried.

"Robyn, what's going on?" Duffy frowned at her.

"Nothing, nothing, I'm sure he's fine. Just fine." Robyn said, as she walked down the corridor following David and Noel.

Duffy frowned again, and slammed her notes onto the desk and followed after them.

As she opened the door into reception she saw David, Noel and Robyn gathered behind the desk, Robyn had her phone out, presumably calling Charlie. Whilst David and Noel were chatting.

"He's been gone an hour David, it's not like him to just get up and leave." Noel said, looking concerned.

"Ok, but you didn't need to announce it to..." David replied, as he looked up and saw Duffy standing in front of them.

"Oh, um, right." Noel interrupted, as he looked up at Duffy, and smiled shyly.

"Announce it to who David? Me? His wife?" Duffy replied, as she folded her arms at them all.

"Duffy, we were just erm..." David began to say.

"Where is he David?" Duffy asked, and she scowled at him.

"Um, we don't know." David replied.

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'?" She replied, now looking concerned.

"He left, well, um, not long after you and he, um, had words." Noel explained, sheepishly.

"That was ages ago. He just walked out?" Duffy asked, looking shocked.

Noel nodded.

"Out of work, in the middle of a shift?" Duffy added, now getting worried, he'd never done that, never.

"I'm calling him, but it's just ringing and then going to answer phone now." Robyn mentioned, as she sighed, looking down at her phone.

"He's never walked out of a shift, not as long as I've known him." Noel explained, as he looked at Duffy.

"No, not as long as I've known him either." Duffy replied, frowning, and then she raised her hand to her forehead, shaking slightly.

"I think I might know where he is." Robyn interrupted.

"Where?" Duffy asked, looking directly at her.

"The pub, he's gone there every night, after his shift." Robyn replied, looking sheepishly at Duffy, trying to not worry her further, but knew it would have struck a cord with her.

Duffy sighed, and closed her eyes, shook her head, as she put her hand to her forehead, then replied, "the pub, right."

"This is all my fault, I shouldn't have come in today." Duffy added, as she sighed once again, shaking her head at herself.

"No, no. We'll, um, we'll go and get him." Robyn added, as she smiled sympathetically at her.

"No, no, I'll go. It's my fault he's there in the first place." Duffy added.

"Duffy, we can go." David added.

"No, no, I need to make sure he's ok. Will you cover for me whilst I'm gone?" Duffy explained, as she turned and looked at all of them.

"Yeah, of course we will." Robyn replied, as she smiled at her wistfully.

"Yeah, we will." David added, and smiled at her to thoughtfully.

"Thanks." Duffy replied, and turned on her heel, and walked down the corridor, and out of the double doors into the ambulance bay.

-o-

She sighed as she looked up in the direction of the pub, she straightened down her tunic, and walked towards it.

As she neared the double doors, she took in a deep breath, then walked through them, unsure what she may find at the other side.

She saw him stood at the bar. His hand on the whiskey glass, as he looked down at it, his other hand on his forehead, he took a sip, and then continued to stare at the glass.

She sighed, as she walked towards him.

"That's not going to help Charlie." She said, as she a few metres away from him.

Charlie sighed, and ignored her, he didn't look up, he just drank the last gulp of his whiskey and swayed slightly on his feet. He then dropped the glass down onto the bar.

"Same again." He said, as he slurred his words slightly, and looked at the barman, away from her.

"Charlie? You're supposed to be at work." She said, in astonishment, then folded her arms at him.

He replied angrily, "and you're supp'osed to be my wife, didn't stop you did it?!", as he continued to look away from her.

She took in a breath in shock.

The barman placed another whiskey in front of him.

He lifted up the glass, and took as sip, then said, "What?! Shock you did I?! Pfft, not nice is it?" He continued to look away from her.

"Charlie, please, you don't need to..." Duffy found her words.

"What?! Don't need to do this?" He said, as he took another gulp of his whiskey.

She stood looking shocked at him.

"Just go. Leave me. So I can do what I damn well please. If you can, so can I." He added, as he rose his glass to his lips once again.

Duffy sighed, and took a step closer to him, reached out and put her hand on his arm, before he could take another drink.

"Charlie, don't." She said, and looked at him worryingly.

He froze, and frowned as he looked at her.

"Don't touch me." He said, as he looked down at her hand.

He pulled back, but not forcefully. He looked into her eyes, and turned away from her.

"Please Charlie, don't do this." Duffy pleaded with him.

He put the glass down, and picked it up with his other hand, then drank all of it in two gulps, and then dropped in onto the bar. He swallowed the liquid, and turned to look at her.

He furrowed his brow at her, before he spoke, "just go."

Duffy looked at him, shock, horror, and worry. Tears began to form in her eyes, and she then took in a breath before she replied, trying to compose herself.

"No."

"Fine, I will then." He said sternly, and stood up off the bar, he was resting against. His legs buckled slightly under him, as he tried to steady himself, by reaching out for the bar. He slipped, and she reached out for his arm, grasping him, preventing him from falling.

"Get off." He snapped, as he stumbled backwards, and tried to grasp the bar again, this time he managed to rest against it.

"No. Charlie, you're drunk." Duffy replied.

"Get off me woman!" He said, and pulled his arm back from out of her grasp.

"Charlie?!" She yelped.

She let his arm go, and he fell backwards, the glass that had rested on the bar flew off and hit him, smashing against his arm, blood began to pour from it.

"Shit!" He shouted, as he looked down at the shards of glass around him, and the blood running from his wound.

"Oh God, Charlie!" Duffy said, as she rose her hand up to her mouth in horror.

She then bent down to help him. He moved his arm back away from her.

"Charlie for God's sake, you're bleeding, let me help you." She said to him in annoyance.

She turned to look at the barman, and asked him, "have you got a clean towel, anything so I can stem the bleeding? Then I'll ring Robyn and David to help me walk you across to the E.D."

"I'm not going back there." He replied, as he tried to stem the bleeding with his hand.

"Ooooh, shit that hurts." He added, he wincing in pain, as blood seeped through his fingers.

"Oh, great thanks," Duffy said, as she took the white tea towel from the barman.

"Charlie, you need to go, you'll need sutures." She added, as she bent down and pressed the towel to his hand, that grasped his wound.

He took it from her, and applied pressure to it. "Oh, bloody hell!", he swore, wincing in pain once again, as he could feel the glass in his arm, but he had to keep the pressure on regardless.

"Will you just keep the pressure on." Duffy said, as she took her mobile from her tunic pocket.

"What do you think I'm doing. Bloody hell. Shit." He replied, as the blood leaked through the towel, he winced again.

Duffy dialled Robyn's number, regardless of them not speaking lately, she was the only one she knew who was just as worried about Charlie as she was.

"Robyn, I'm with Charlie now. He's um, had a bit of an accident. Will you bring a pressure dressing pack with you, and ask David to bring a wheelchair too. I'll need a hand to get him to the E.D. he's um, fallen over and cut his arm on a whiskey glass. Yes, yes, other than that the stupid fool is fine. Drunk, but fine. Right, ok, see you shortly then. Thanks. Bye." Duffy said, as she tapped her phone to end the call.

She looked down at him and shook her head at him.

"Don't, ok. Just, don't." He said, as he looked up at her, shaking his head, and wincing in pain once again.

She just shook her head at him, and folded her arms at him.

"Well, this is one way to get you to speak to me."

"What?! Throw me to the floor, and chuck a whiskey glass at me?" He said, his words slurred again.

"That's not what happened Charlie." She frowned at him.

"Isn't it? Pfft." He said, as he winced, as he moved his hand slightly on his arm.

"Stop being such a..."

"What?! Hmm?"

"Bloody child. We need to talk. Drinking yourself into oblivion whilst you should be working is not the answer!"

"Isn't it. Was working just fine until you showed up."

"Yeah, well. Look at the state of you now."

"Pfft, yeah. I could do with another drink, to take the edge off." He winced again.

"I'm surprised you can feel it, the amount you've had. You can barely walk!"

He looked up at her, and angrily said, "that's not what it was for! It was to stop me thinking about..."

She looked at him shocked, as he stopped mid-sentence.

"About what?" She asked, sounding worried.

"You fucking Bill!" He said angrily.

"Charlie!?" She gasped, as she raised her hand to her mouth in shock.

The barman raised his eyebrows at the couple in front of him, and could now understand exactly why he had come into the pub every day for the passed few weeks. He stood in amazement, and tried to busy himself, by cleaning the bar with a tea towel.

Duffy just stood in shock, as it hit her exactly why he was there, today, right now. Because when he looked at her earlier, all he could see was her in bed with Bill. She understood why he needed the alcohol to numb him, to wipe out those images from his mind. Seeing her again, it had brought them all back.

Tears formed in her eyes as she looked down at him. He was looking down at his arm, covered in his own blood, wincing in pain, and it was all her fault.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I'm so, so sorry." She said, as a tear ran down her cheek, her hand still covered her lips.

He ignored her, and swayed slightly, as he continued to press down on his arm.

-x-


	5. We all make mistakes - Chapter 5

-x- Chapter Five -x-

Charlie was sat up right, but then tried to stand up, moving his legs up, but he sighed, as he knew it was pointless he'd need help to get up.

"Fuck's sake." He exclaimed under his breath.

"Charlie!" Duffy quickly said to him in shock.

"What?!" He spat back at her, not looking at her.

"You, don't need to..."

"I can say what I damn well please, I'm bleeding Duffy. It's not just a cut. I think I've torn a vein." He slurred at her.

"Oh, um, right. Um...you'll need a tourniquet." Duffy froze momentarily, unsure what to do, or what to use.

"Oh, fucking hell." Charlie stuttered at her wincing in pain.

Duffy then turned to the barman, "um, I'm sorry, but, please could I have your tie?"

"My tie? Oh, um, right yeah." The barman replied, taking his tie off and handing it to her.

Duffy took it from him, and bent down in front of Charlie.

"Charlie, you're going to have to let me tie this off on you." She said, and looked at him frustrated, as he didn't move his left arm down. He held his arm up specifically to reduce the blood flow, and pressure, as his wound was just above the radial veins in the centre of his left forearm.

"Fine, ooooh." He flexed his arm downwards, and he winced in pain, squeezing the towel onto his arm to stem the bleeding.

Duffy quickly tied the tie around the top of his left arm into a knot. He then raised his arm up once again, still applying pressure to it with the towel.

"Better?" She asked.

"No." He winced again.

She sighed, and looked at him with concern.

"What's taking them so long?" He added.

Duffy sighed again.

Then the door flew open, and in walked Robyn, followed by David, with a wheelchair.

"Oh my God, Charlie! Are you ok?" Robyn said, as she looked shocked seeing him covered in blood, his hand wrapped in a bloodied towel, and glass everywhere.

"Do I look ok?" Charlie replied sarcastically, as he looked up at her. He momentarily caught a glimpse of Duffy, who hung her head and sighed at his abruptness.

"Um." Robyn just looked shocked at him, at his tone.

"Just get me up will you." He sighed, and tried to move, and winced again.

"Charlie, stay there, and we'll help you up into the chair." David added, as he tried to help.

Charlie sighed in annoyance, and frowned at David.

"Stop being difficult Charlie." Duffy added.

He sighed at her, and rolled his eyes.

Robyn, the opened the pressure dressing, and stood in front of Charlie.

"Let me put this on first Charlie." Robyn said, as she bent down.

He removed his hand from the towel, Robyn quickly applied the pressure dressing over the towel, to avoid dislodging any glass, or part of his wound, and tied off the dressing around his forearm.

"Now let's get you up." David said as he wheeled the chair behind Charlie.

Robyn at his left side, David at his right. Duffy then moved behind David, and held the chair ready for Charlie to sit down into it.

"Ready?" David said, as he looked at Robyn, and Duffy.

Charlie lifted up his injured left arm, and Robyn, placed her elbow under his armpit, David did the same at his right side.

"On three. 1, 2, 3. Lift." David said, and all three assisted Charlie onto his feet, and he then slumped back into the chair unsteadily.

"Bloody hell!" Charlie winced in pain once again.

"Right, let's get him back to the E.D., straight into resus. And someone find Elle when we get there." Duffy said, as she began to push him in the wheelchair.

"I can do that Duffy." David said, as he looked at her with concern.

Duffy just glared at him. David raised his eyebrows at her, understanding why she had to do it. He then nodded at her.

"Let him Duffy." Charlie said abruptly again.

"No. I'm taking you in." Duffy sighed again.

Charlie just sighed, it couldn't be bothered to argue any more, and held his hand to his arm once again.

"Come on then, I'm starting to bleed through this dressing."

"Right, come on then."

Duffy then wheeled him out of the pub, into the car park, ambulance bay, and into the E.D. ignoring the stares of colleagues, she wheeled him down towards resus.

"Where's Elle?" Duffy asked Louise, as she walked passed her.

"In resus, Duffy." She replied, as she looked at Charlie shocked, seeing the blood covering his uniform.

"Right, good." Duffy said, as she then pushed him down the corridor, and through the doors into resus.

"Charlie, when they said you'd injured yourself, I wasn't expecting this?" Elle said shocked, as she saw the blood on his uniform.

"It's not my fault, blame my wife!" Charlie replied, in annoyance, as he turned to look at Duffy.

"Charlie!?" Duffy replied in shock.

Charlie looked away from Duffy, and said to Elle, "Tell her to go. I don't want her here."

"Charlie, I can help." Duffy explained, taken aback by his comment.

"You've done enough damage." He spat back at her again.

She looked at Elle, and back at Charlie, seeing the anger etched on his face.

Elle looked at her worried, and gestured sorry with her hands.

Duffy sighed, as tears formed in her eyes. She then turned around and almost ran out of the door.

Robyn and David stood outside of resus and saw her reaction.

"Please just take care of him." She said, as she held back her tears, but her voice shook as she spoke.

Duffy then walked away down the corridor towards reception, and headed outside. She couldn't breathe, her chest was tight, tears filled her eyes, as she put her hand onto the side of the wall, trying to catch her breath. She fought back her tears, and ran hurriedly towards the peace garden away from everyone.

-o-

David followed Duffy outside, and came up behind her as he saw her breathing heavily.

"You're having a panic attack aren't you?" David said.

She turned to look at him, she breathed quickly, sharply, unable to control it, tears now rolling down her cheeks.

"Just take steady breaths Duffy, in, and out, in and out." He said

She responded, and tried to control herself, but it wasn't working.

He then placed his hands on her shoulders, she looked fearful, and stepped back from him, shaking her head.

"Nice, steady breaths Duffy. Take it easy. Nice deep breaths. Ok. I'm just trying to calm you down ok." David said, as he frowned with concern at her.

She cried again, and took long deeper breaths, within a few moments she managed to regain control of her breathing.

"That's it, that's it. Much better. Are you ok? What happened?" David asked her, as he tried to put his hand on her shoulder again.

She looked fearful of him once again, and stepped back.

"I, I, I can't do this. I can't stand him not wanting me. I need him too. And he just, just doesn't want to know."

David sighed, at her.

"He's just in pain Duffy."

"And I want to help him. I can't stand seeing him like that."

"He'll be ok."

"I don't think so do you?"

"It's just a flesh wound."

"I know that. But he wouldn't be that pub today if wasn't for me. I'm to blame. I've done that to him David. I've broken him. I've caused all that hurt, all that anger in him. Me. My fault. And I can't do a thing about it. He won't let me any where near him. It's just too much. I can't cope. Not without him David. Not without him!" She said, as she burst into tears once again.

"Oh, Duffy." He tried to touch her shoulder once again.

She just tapped him away.

"No, don't. I don't need sympathy. I just, I just can't do this. Not anymore." She said, as she turned on her heel and walked back into the E.D., she headed straight to the toilets. She locked the cubicle she found herself in, and sat on the toilet lid, and sobbed.

-x-


	6. We all make mistakes - Chapter 6

-x- Chapter Six -x-

She didn't know how long she sat there, she had cried so much her tears ran dry, she had nothing left to cry with. She sat with her head in her hands. As her body shook with fear, her head pounded. The only person she wanted and needed right now, was sat bleeding in resus. She hadn't expected him to be as bad as he was today. She knew he'd be heartbroken, devastated, disappointed in her. But, she'd expected him to let her in at some point, to give her a chance to explain. Not turn away from her like this. To walk out of work, to get drunk. His anger was the worst she'd ever seen in him. But she now could understand it all. She had hurt him so much. She knew she had. But, didn't realise that it would be unbearable for him to even look at her, without thinking of her with Bill. She didn't think. Not of that. All she wanted to do wad to explain to him why she turned to Bill. She felt alone, he was always at work, she was depressed, suffering from panic attacks and anxiety, she needed someone to talk to. She had no idea it would end up as a stupid one-night stand. Not that she could remember any of it. She disgusted herself.

 _How could I do that to him?_

But now, after recent events - her falls. She could possibly be about to fight the worst illness she could imagine – dementia. She was going to lose herself even further. And had to do it all alone, without him. She couldn't bare it. Not without him.

Suddenly she heard the door open to the toilets, and footsteps, then a sigh.

"Duffy?" Robyn said.

Duffy wiped the tear stains with the back of her hand.

"Noel told me you were in here." Robyn asked, and sighed again.

"I, um, how's Charlie?" Duffy stuttered, the coldness of the room effecting her.

"We've stabilzed his bleeding, for now. But, um, he's going to have to go upstairs to surgery though. He's nicked a vein." She explained.

"Oh, can I see him?" she asked, then sighed again. "No, um, he won't want to see me. Um," she then sniffed, tears forming in her eyes again.

"You can see him, but, um, I won't tell him you have. If that helps?" Robyn suggested.

"Um, oh, ok. Um." Duffy sniffed back her tears, tried to compose herself, wiping away her tears.

Duffy stood up, unlocked the cubicle, and hung her head at Robyn.

"Oh Duffy. Come here." Robyn said, as she opened her arms to her, as she saw her reddened eyes, tear stained face, and pale complexion.

Duffy just pressed her head into Robyn's shoulder and began to sob.

"I love Charlie, Robyn. You have to believe me. I love him so much." She sobbed into her, her tears falling onto her scrubs.

"I know, I know." Robyn replied, stroking her back, trying to comfort her.

She pulled back, and looked at her shocked for a moment.

"You believe me?" Duffy sniffed back her tears, and looked down at her frowning.

"I know you love him Duffy. It's just. I never thought you'd hurt him."

"Oh Robyn, neither did I. Believe me, neither did I. I made a mistake. A stupid, stupid mistake. I can't go on without him. I just can't. I love him Robyn." Duffy said to her, between sniffles, and tears.

Robyn sighed, and looked at her, titled her head at her, and pulled her back for another hug.

"Shh, shh, it's ok, it's ok. It's going to take some time. He does love you too Duffy. He's just hurting, that's all." Robyn explained.

"I know, I know. This is all my fault, all of it." Duffy replied.

"I don't know what to do to help though Duffy. He's so angry, he's drinking every day. I've never seen him like this before." Robyn told her.

"I just need to talk to him, explain to him. He needs to understand. There's so much I need to tell him. About me. About what's happening to me. It's not his fault Robyn. None of it. It's all me." Duffy explained.

Robyn stood back, held Duffy by the shoulders as she asked her, "Um, what do you mean it's all you? What's happening to you Duffy? What's wrong?"

"I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I need to speak to Charlie, only Charlie."

"Duffy, come on, I can help you."

"No, no you can't no one can. Just him." She turned away from her.

"Um, ok, ok. Um, if I take you to see him, will it help?" Robyn asked.

She turned to her, nodded, but then sighed.

"He doesn't have to know, not right now. Ok? You just need to see him don't you?"

She nodded again.

"Ok, come with me." Robyn said, as she rubbed her shoulder, and walked towards the bathroom door.

Duffy sighed, sniffed back her tears, and followed Robyn out of the door.

-o-

Robyn stood outside of small high dependency room, next to resus, Duffy standing at her side, as she peered into the room. She saw him lying back, his arm strapped up, and pointing upwards, to allow the blood to avoid his torn vein.

Duffy sighed, as tears filled her eyes again.

"He'll be ok Duffy."

"Yeah." She sighed again.

Robyn looked thoughtfully at Duffy, and rubbed her shoulder.

Duffy felt drawn to Charlie, she wanted to go to him, but she knew it would only upset him more if she did.

Then Charlie turned his head, and opened his eyes, and he saw her standing looking through the glass window at him. Their eyes met, and he sighed, then frowned. He saw the look of worry written all over her face, and the red puffiness of her eyes, she'd been crying. He sighed once more, and lifted his hand, and gestured her to come into the room.

Duffy stood amazed, took in a breath in shock, and walked through the doors into the room.

She stood at the foot of the bed, and looked worryingly at him.

"Um, you ok?" She stammered at him.

"I'll live." He replied.

She sighed, the replied, "good."

He sighed at her, as he noticed her puffy eyes again, which seemed worse closer up. Despite it all, he still couldn't bare to see her upset.

"I hear you've um, torn a vein, and you'll be going upstairs for surgery." She asked, matter-of-factly.

"Um, yeah." He replied, and heard the concern in her voice.

"How's the pain?" She asked.

"Bearable." He replied.

"Ok." She said.

He sighed again, and moved slightly, as he was uncomfortable.

"Do you want moving? Are you uncomfortable?" She asked him, as she stepped forward towards him.

"Um." He replied.

She sighed, and looked down, disappointed.

"I am a bit actually." He replied finally.

"Oh, um, here, let me help." She picked up the bed controls, and began to lift up the foot of the bed, and the top, as he rose upwards.

"Better?" She asked.

"Um, yeah." He replied, and looked at her.

She sighed, and wistfully smiled at him, before she replied, "ok".

"Are you, um, thirsty, do you want me to get you some water?" She then asked.

"Um, I am actually. The whiskey...um, has made me a bit..."

"Dry? Ok, I'll go and get you some water." She said, as she turned to leave.

He sighed, before he spoke, "I'm sorry, for what I said."

Duffy turned around in shock at his admission, "no, no, I understand Charlie."

"No, you don't Duffy. You have no idea." He admitted, then sighed, and winced slightly.

"I hurt you, I deserve it Charlie." Duffy replied, and looked down with guilt.

He sighed, before he spoke, "you broke my heart Duffy."

She let out a breath, just hearing him say that brought tears to her eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Charlie." She said, unable to look at him, as a tear ran down her cheek.

He sighed, as he saw her tear fall.

"I don't know what to do Duffy. I can't", he sighed, "I can't help it. Seeing you with Bill", he sighed, as tears filled his eyes, "it destroys me seeing you with another man Duffy. I've", he sighed again, "I've never been able to deal with it."

"Bill was a mistake Charlie...a stupid, stupid mistake..." she paused, then it registered with her exactly what he'd told her. She looked up at him, "what do you mean? Never been able to deal with it?"

He sighed, as he looked at her.

"I think you know Duffy."

"I want to hear you say it."

He sighed, before he spoke, "I've never been good at sharing you, with anyone."

She stood in amazement, at his words.

"You mean, all this time, all of the men in my life. You, you weren't interfering? You were?"

He nodded.

"Jealous?" She added, in shock.

"When you put it like that it seems so..." He explained.

"Stupid?" She interrupted him.

"Well, not exactly the word I'd use but..."

"You, stupid, stupid man. All this time. All this time?!" She said in shock.

"I'm sorry, it's not something I can just switch off Duffy." He replied back to her, getting a little defensive.

"You never once told me how you felt. If I'd known Charlie. If you'd just told me. All those years together. All that time..." She told him, tears filling in her eyes.

"How could I tell you? You were married, so was I!" He bellowed at her.

"You mean?..." She replied, then paused, "when you were married to Baz?"

He sighed, and nodded at her.

"But?" She looked at him, still in shock.

"I knew you'd react like this." He sighed at her.

"Like what?"

"Just forget about it. It doesn't matter now does it?"

"No, no, it does matter. It matters to me!" She said as she turned to look at him.

He sat looking back at her in shock, but knew why.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. To make you think about Andrew."

"You think that's why? Pfft. Do you not think that for one small moment that I might have actually had feelings for you then too? Hmm?" She replied, tears filled her eyes.

Charlie sat and his jaw dropped in astonishment.

"You stupid, stupid man. I was in love with you then too!" She told him as tears ran down both cheeks.

"You, you, loved me then?" He stammered.

"Oh God Charlie, what a mess, what a mess." Tears fell down her cheeks.

"Fuck'n hell Duffy."

She giggled slightly at his reaction.

"Yeah, fucking hell Charlie!"

She looked at him, as he lay there in shock, tears filled his eyes too.

"All this time eh? Kid?" He said, as he wistfully smiled at her.

"Ha, yeah, all this time", she paused, and looked into his eyes, "and I still love you Charlie Fairhead".

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at her, he reached out for her hand, and she took a few steps towards him and held his hand with hers.

"I love you too kid." He smiled wistfully at her, as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Oh, Charlie." She bent down and kissed his lips tenderly, and rested her head on his forehead.

"I love you so much." She said, as her tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I love you too. I've missed you so much." He replied, as he lifted his hand to cup her hair, and cheek, his thumb wiped away her tears.

"I've missed you too." And she kissed him again, a lingering, meaningful kiss.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, as Robyn stood with the surgical staff outside the room.

"Oh, um, your surgery." She looked up and stood up, signalled to Robyn that it was ok to bring them in.

"Oh, um, yeah." He sighed, as she moved away from him, but still held his hand in hers.

The surgical team walked in, and explained to Charlie that they were ready to take him upstairs, and explained the procedure to him. He nodded in agreement, as he held Duffy's hand with his.

"Ready?" Robyn then asked him, and then smiled softly at Duffy.

"Yeah." He replied.

Duffy let go of his hand, and he grabbed it back again.

"Wait. Um, can I just, um, kiss my wife before I go?" He asked.

"Of course", the head surgeon said.

Charlie turned to Duffy, and smiled up at her. She turned, and smiled back at him, bent down and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

"I'll see you upstairs, ok." She said, as she pulled back and squeezed his hand.

"I love you." Charlie told her, as he looked up at her.

"I love you too." She smiled softly at him, and kissed his forehead.

The staff then pulled his bed out, and walked him out of the room, until he let go of her hand.

She stood as she watched him leave, the doors closing behind him.

-x-


End file.
